Friday, November 30, 2012

Back to the Drawing Board

Contents of this Blog Post:
+HSED Studying
+Pagan Basics
+Time Research

The four major things I am working on right now in my life are my HSED, reviewing the basics of paganism, researching time in religion, mythology, and magic, and my novel, (working title) Arcana.

I have finally taken my first 2 HSED tests, Reading and Science. I was very nervous going into my first test, but once I started testing, it was actually really fun. I am very much looking forward to the rest of my tests. My next test is Monday, and it's a Social Studies test, so I am hard at work studying for that!

As for paganism, after my recent realizations about my personal path, I have decided to do a complete review of the basics. After this is done, instead of choosing the path I chose last time, I will be going down another, less crazy road.

I have started researching Time again. It has always been of interest to me, and I am starting to find more and more on the subject in mythology and religion. It's difficult to track it down, but the info I have found thus far is amazing.

Next to getting my HSED, the most important part of my life right now is my novel. I don't have a name pinned down for it yet, but the working title is Arcana. Over the past year, my friends have gotten me into roleplaying with them which has made me a better writer. It's helped me a lot with character development, and now that I have a cast of solid characters, the actual writing has come a lot easier.

I suppose I am writing this blog more for myself than for anyone else. When I was younger, I always wanted to keep a journal, but I was never able to concentrate long enough to remember to do it every day. I don't know if I will do it every day, but I do want to keep a record of my life at least once in a while, so that is what this particular blog post is for!

Thanks for reading!

Be Seeing You!

The World Tarot Card

Monday, November 26, 2012

Lightning Rod

Hello all! 

With all of the recent changes in my life, I thought I should give an explanation.  Since I was 13 years old (I am now 20), I have been practicing paganism. I have always had certain doubts, but of course who hasn't? 

Along with the spiritual stuff, there has also been a lot of paranormal stuff that my friends and I have experienced. A lot of it seemed insane, and a lot of the time I only half believed it, but I truly felt like I was losing my mind.

However, I never completely questioned my faith or my supernatural experiences until about a month ago. The reason doesn't matter, but I was left questioning whether or not any of what I have practiced or experienced was "real" or "legitimate." 

I sought out spiritual guidance, I even contacted someone who is considered a spiritual teacher of sorts, but everywhere I turned, I found static. I didn't receive any answers from outside sources, and I didn't know how to approach my pagan friends with this issue, as I was worried they would be upset with my questioning. 

I felt completely lost. And what do most humans do when they feel lost? I revisited my childhood to find comfort. Boy, did I find it. I watched my favorite childhood TV show, So Weird. 

So Weird was the show that got me interested in the paranormal to begin with. Fi Phillips travels with her musician mother all around the US (and sometimes Ireland) and she experiences weird things. The episode that I chose really opened my eyes & helped me to find the correct path. 

The episode is called Lightning Rod. It's the last episode with Fi in it, and the first episode with Annie Thelen, Fi's replacement. Bricriu, a will o the wisp that Fi has encountered twice before returns to Fi's home in Colorado claiming to have knowledge that Fi's family is in danger. 

He tells her to read a spell out of her grandmother's spellbook, but as she doesn't trust him, she reads a different one instead. This results in Fi's friends and family transforming into different plants and animals. Fi reads the reversal spell, and she returns to Bricriu to recite the spell he originally asked her to read. Before she reads the spell, she asks him what the spell will do. He replies:

"Fiona Phillips, you have a gift. And you've used it to see wonderful things. But there are spirits on this side who are angry with your intrusions into their world.....[and] when you open a door, it doesn't just mean you can get in. It also means things can get out.....With this spell, you agree to block your ability to enter my world. It is the only way to keep your loved ones safe from attacks like today's, or worse." 
Convinced that cutting herself off from her paranormal ventures is the only way to keep herself and her family safe, she reads the spell from the book:

"Though I have eyes, I close them tight,
Snuff the candle, douse the light,
Willingly, I lock the door, 
Break the key to see no more."

Bricriu tells Fi to look at her ring. As she does, the celtic knot engraving on the ring disappears. From this moment on, Fi loses her ability to experience paranormal things. She can still research them, but as for seeing them firsthand, she is cut off, which she later confirms by saying to her mother: "The other stuff... it's gone." 

Watching this episode again made me realize that I didn't have to completely drop paganism – I still have the same belief system, and I still feel rooted in the Earth; but what I can drop is the paranormal stuff. The things that drove me crazy to begin with. The things that most of the time I never completely believed in anyway.

The minute I made that realization, I felt a burden lift from my chest. Over the next few days, the fog from my mind cleared and it was obvious to me that this was the right decision.

I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone but me, but then again, I don’t know if it needs to. I feel better, and I feel freed. I know that it seems silly that a Disney show helped in a major life decision, but it is something I have been familiar with for most of my life, so I suppose it makes sense that it would help clear my head.

To mark this point in my life, I will be getting a tattoo of the celtic knot from Fi’s ring, made of lightning.


Fi looking out the window at the lightning

Fi's reflection in the lightning with Annie behind her

Fi's reflection after the lightning, alone in the room

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Today :)

Today, I returned to the spot where I buried the box. Everything seemed in order, it looked untouched. I burned a purple candle and some sweet grass, blessing the ground and what's buried beneath. Then I placed a rock on top to symbolize a grave. I poured the wax from the candle on the rock, and I left.

I feel good about the makeshift funeral of the crazy part of my life. A burden has been lifted, and I can move on. I love it. Now I am working on the things I have been wanting to work on for a long time:

*HSED. My High School Equivalency Diploma. I have wanted this for a long while now, and I am taking my first of four tests on Tuesday!

*Becoming spiritually right again. I am basically starting over when it comes to my pagan path. I have the same patrons and everything, but it seems pretty impossible to continue on without a review of the basics. When I come to the fork in the road this time, I will be taking another route. One not laced with crazy.

*Writing my novel. I have been wanting to write my novel/novels (it may be a series, I haven't decided yet) for a very long time. I finally have a pretty clear picture of what I want the storyline to look like, and I have started the actual writing.

*Writing my Time book. This is also something I let slip while I was on the wrong path. I can finally get back to my research!

I will leave you with a bit of nonsense:

"Birds of a feather wear the same hats!" -Me

The Grave of the Box

Friday, November 23, 2012


"Gooood morning, all! Do I smell something a-cooking?" -Carey Bell, So Weird

Yesterday, I spent my Thanksgiving with Kyle, his family, & Papa Murphy's :) it was lovely.

Afterward, Kyle & I went out into the woods to bury the box. The box is filled to the brim with everything paranormal & pagan that I am letting go of. Kyle was sweet enough to dig the hole for me, even though he was tired. (<3)

According to Ann Moura's calender of pagan events, yesterday was the Festival of Diana (goddess of the moon and the hunt), and I consider that a good night to have buried the box! I silently asked Diana to bless and protect the box & the site at which we buried it. 

I have always heard that evil cannot cross bridges or bodies of water, so crossing the bridge to go back home felt sort of like a symbolic "leaving the evil and crazy behind."

I am not sure yet how to feel about the spot where we buried the box, or how to treat it. Right now, it does feel like an "evil," kind of a bad place. But when I think about it, it should be a good place eventually. It symbolizes my new life, moving on from the crazy stuff. But for now, I'm wary & keeping my distance. Hopefully soon I will go down there and test the waters, see how it feels.

For now, I leave you with a poem I wrote about the box itself.

The Box

There is a box that lies among the dead,
For we bury things when they die.
Inside, a final resting bed,
Of spiritual balance gone awry.
A darkness slinked into my mind,
Amid creatures pulled from time.
Within delusions, I was entwined,
Of phantoms terrifying and sublime.
Something’s pulled me from it now,
What, I’ll never know.
But I thank the Gods, and I bow,
For giving me tomorrow.
My faith hasn’t faltered,
Not notably, in fact,
All that has been altered,
Is my sanity’s intact!

Be Seeing You,

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Alive in the Night

Last night, I sat on the back deck with my mom. We talked and drank peppermint hot chocolate. While I was outside, I became very aware of the fact that I am alive. The temperature was brisk - chilly, but not too cold; the scent of fresh pizza was traveling on the air up toward us from the pizza place down the street & around the corner; and the night sky! Oh my, what a sky it was.

I'm not very good with constellations, so I'm not sure which one I was looking at. It pretty much looked like a big square of stars in the sky. The night was so clear, there wasn't a cloud to obscure my view of the stars. Airplanes flew in the direction of the constellation, and as they disappeared into the night, it looked in perspective as though they were flying off into space, through the middle of the constellation. It was fantastic. 

Everything seemed so vibrant, and I really did feel more alive than ever. This is just another thing to add to the list of positive vibes and enlightenment I've been feeling over the past few days, and I wanted to share it here. Happy Turkey Day! <3

Be Seeing You,


Picture of the night sky found on google. Not my photo.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Realizations, Resolutions, & Rituals

15 Days ago, I posted to this blog that I was having a spiritual crisis of sorts. A few things have changed since then.

At one point, I was considering dropping paganism completely. Luckily, I had someone there for me who wouldn't let me. He told me that I wouldn't be myself if I did that. He was right, as he so often is about me.

However, there are parts of my life that center around the paranormal that I am letting go of. Mainly the paranormal which so happened to leak into my spirituality. Of course, I still believe in spirits and energies, the power of the elements, etc. My basic belief structure remains the same, it's mainly the crazy things that I will drift away from.

I have a box that some friends of mine and I were going to bury a poppet in a couple of years ago. We never did the burial because something went wrong, as per usual. This box now contains a great number of things that connect to the spiritual and supernatural parts of my life that I no longer connect with. Sometime in the next few nights, I will be going out with someone to bury the box.

For me, this is a ritual burial. It's a chance to bury my old life to make way for the future that I have ahead of me. These past 2 weeks, I have been hit with many realizations about life, my life, and the changes that I am facing now. I suppose that this box is a symbol of "putting away childish things," quoting Frik from Merlin.

I will probably be posting more often on this blog again, as I have my internet at home back. For now, I say goodnight.

Be Seeing You,

The Box - a Vans box may be cheesy, but it's effective! The
circle is made up of poppy seeds.

Monday, November 5, 2012

An Unhappy Realization

Lately, I seem to have lost a large part of my faith. I still have the same belief system, but paganism as a whole seems lost to me. I hate this, because I have been practicing paganism since I was 13 years old and it is very important to me. I don't really know why this has happened, but I could really use some spiritual guidance right now.