With all of the recent changes in my life, I thought I should give an explanation. Since I was 13 years old (I am now 20), I have been practicing paganism. I have always had certain doubts, but of course who hasn't?
Along with the spiritual stuff, there has also been a lot of paranormal stuff that my friends and I have experienced. A lot of it seemed insane, and a lot of the time I only half believed it, but I truly felt like I was losing my mind.
However, I never completely questioned my faith or my supernatural experiences until about a month ago. The reason doesn't matter, but I was left questioning whether or not any of what I have practiced or experienced was "real" or "legitimate."
I sought out spiritual guidance, I even contacted someone who is considered a spiritual teacher of sorts, but everywhere I turned, I found static. I didn't receive any answers from outside sources, and I didn't know how to approach my pagan friends with this issue, as I was worried they would be upset with my questioning.
I felt completely lost. And what do most humans do when they feel lost? I revisited my childhood to find comfort. Boy, did I find it. I watched my favorite childhood TV show, So Weird.
So Weird was the show that got me interested in the paranormal to begin with. Fi Phillips travels with her musician mother all around the US (and sometimes Ireland) and she experiences weird things. The episode that I chose really opened my eyes & helped me to find the correct path.
The episode is called Lightning Rod. It's the last episode with Fi in it, and the first episode with Annie Thelen, Fi's replacement. Bricriu, a will o the wisp that Fi has encountered twice before returns to Fi's home in Colorado claiming to have knowledge that Fi's family is in danger.
He tells her to read a spell out of her grandmother's spellbook, but as she doesn't trust him, she reads a different one instead. This results in Fi's friends and family transforming into different plants and animals. Fi reads the reversal spell, and she returns to Bricriu to recite the spell he originally asked her to read. Before she reads the spell, she asks him what the spell will do. He replies:
"Fiona Phillips, you have a gift. And you've used it to see wonderful things. But there are spirits on this side who are angry with your intrusions into their world.....[and] when you open a door, it doesn't just mean you can get in. It also means things can get out.....With this spell, you agree to block your ability to enter my world. It is the only way to keep your loved ones safe from attacks like today's, or worse."
Convinced that cutting herself off from her paranormal ventures is the only way to keep herself and her family safe, she reads the spell from the book:
"Though I have eyes, I close them tight,
Snuff the candle, douse the light,
Willingly, I lock the door,
Break the key to see no more."
Bricriu tells Fi to look at her ring. As she does, the celtic knot engraving on the ring disappears. From this moment on, Fi loses her ability to experience paranormal things. She can still research them, but as for seeing them firsthand, she is cut off, which she later confirms by saying to her mother: "The other stuff... it's gone."
Watching this episode again made me realize that I didn't have to completely drop paganism – I still have the same belief system, and I still feel rooted in the Earth; but what I can drop is the paranormal stuff. The things that drove me crazy to begin with. The things that most of the time I never completely believed in anyway.
The minute I made that realization, I felt a burden lift from my chest. Over the next few days, the fog from my mind cleared and it was obvious to me that this was the right decision.
I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone but me, but then again, I don’t know if it needs to. I feel better, and I feel freed. I know that it seems silly that a Disney show helped in a major life decision, but it is something I have been familiar with for most of my life, so I suppose it makes sense that it would help clear my head.
To mark this point in my life, I will be getting a tattoo of the celtic knot from Fi’s ring, made of lightning.
|Fi looking out the window at the lightning|
|Fi's reflection in the lightning with Annie behind her|
|Fi's reflection after the lightning, alone in the room|